Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Hello, hello? Anyone out there?

Sometimes I don't know why I write this, except that it is somewhat cathartic. I get a chance to post some of my feelings, of course not too many cause I don't want to scare people away. My life is like, for lack of a better word, like a roller coaster. Well maybe not my life but my relationship is. Somedays its ok, and I can deal with stuff...but then somedays I just want to take my stuff and run away. Running away ALWAYS involves taking my stuff with me. I have several crafts that I enjoy doing and I can't imagine starting over with out all my craft stuff and books. So you see I guess Im not going to run away anytime soon, unless I have a UHaul handy. The reason I want to run away is that I am tired of being in what I call a one sided relationship. My SO (significant other-male just so you know) and I have been together over 25 years and been thru some heavy stuff and even though we are still together - neither of us is very happy. We have gone thru- navy deployments, my cancer, his infidelities/love child, his drinking/smoking, my spendy habits, and raising a grandson.  Any one of those is a lot to handle. and they didn't all happen at the same time but they did happen. We got thru each one..but the one that makes/made the worst effect was the infidelities. There were two...one of which resulted in a child. I didn't find out about it until like 14 years after it happened and quite accidentally. I guess for the most part I got over the fact that the man I trusted with my love and devotion didn't see fit to let me know that he was unhappy -so unhappy that he went from one woman straight to another.  I finally purged him of all the details that I needed to know even though he just wanted me to forget and forgive. For him it was years ago..for me it was fresh! But knowing all I needed to know did help with some of the getting over at least part of it. The toughest part is learning to trust him again,