Monday, June 27, 2011

Schools out for summer...

And for work.  I work in an elementary school. Now it's summer vacation and i'm off. Time for many things, like crafting, visiting the beach, visiting with friends...real visits - not these catch up things in the coffee house and then a quick hug and on your way. But day visits-doing things like going to craft stores, playing a game or having a real meal together! Ooo la la! Time to do the things that I don't have time for during the work days.

This month of June has marked a milestone in my life. My grandson whom I (me and the husband) have been raising has graduated. Now he is an adult. So no more pushing him to do homework, be home at a certain time, etc. Now he is virtually on his own, but not really cause he doesn't have a job or life plan....yet. He "wants" to get a job, he "wants" to go to college, he "wants" to visit his other family down in Cali, but doesn't have an idea on how to make this all work. Still needs to write his thank you notes for his grad gifts, still needs to take his driving test, still needs to register for the draft AND still needs to clean up his room. 18 is just a number and has no magical properties. But I know all mom's know that, and even some grandmoms who are raising children.
It has been a great experience and has kept me young. But now Im done. Truly done. Only me to worry about as far as getting up and going to work in the fall. The rest is up to him.
As for my relationship spoken of in previous posts...well thats a train wreck. Counseling isn't helping, not that it should after only 2 sessions, but it's clear to me that what is needed is major surgery. The cutting of the cord, if you will, between him and I. Somewhere along the way, we changed into two very different people from whom we were when we first started and never reconnected. He's a good person, I'm a good person, but we don't like each other as who we have become. There's a lot of resentment towards me on his part and for me...I'd be willing to change, work on it ,etc if only I could get him to communicate what it was I needed to change. He says I don't like what he says when he does talk...ok....do I have to?  Is that a requirement for communicating? That one needs to like what the other says? Last time I checked, the answer was no.  I see it as just an excuse for not talking. See...it's like this. When you don't talk-you don't have to be responsible or own up for anything you say. No one can hold you to anything cause there isn't anything to hold you to!
Good trick huh? Well...it's working for him. Just not working for me. And so I am living with a "zombie" who does a great performance of the living dead daily.
Can't afford a divorce...at least not yet. So im resigned to living here until that changes. It's not so bad...I have my kids, my friends and all my creative ventures-oh and the internet. Bless you internet gods-you keep me sane.
Over and out-for now.
Cat