Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Isabella and other things

The newest person in our family is my new grand daughter Isabella and as you may see by the picture above she is everything that she expresses. She has brought joy, love, laughter, and new beginnings to all of our lives.
She was born on June 12th, 2011 at Harrison Silverdale to my beautiful daughter Genevieve and her husband Aaron. She is the long awaited daughter to her and long awaited grand daughter to me. When I look at her I see my daughter, my mother and my grandmother in her eyes. I see all of our family. Maybe it's just because I'm getting older...I just turned 60 this year and although the calendar says I'm that age, my mind, my attitude and everything else says "huh?". I feel like I have so much left to do, so much left to see, so much left to learn and experience yet my own time clock is ticking down. It's a scary feeling and one that I imagine most people feel when they get to their own certain age. When I had breast cancer back when I was in my forties, I didn't feel that mortality thing that they say some people do, and I always wondered why? I knew then-somehow- that I wasn't going to die. I was going to beat it and I did. I always knew that there might be that possibility but I never really felt death near me. I knew it was serious, of course but I couldn't see my self dying, not yet at least. Now that I'm 60, I wonder how many really good years will I have left to do all those things that I want to do before my health and body fails me. I'm starting to look more seriously at my relationships and the things that I do and I realize that I need to live my life for me and to make myself happy.
What this brings to mind is the last post I made about my relationship with my husband and how things where just spiraling downwards...well things have changed so much. We went to counseling but ended up hearing more about the counselors life and times than we did about our own. We figured counseling doesn't work for us. We decided to make one last all out effort to make things work and so far so good. Things are slow, but things are getting better. We can live with each other and I have had to let some things go that bothered me before. I think you call it compromise. I'm going to try to give it my all and I hope that he will too. I still know what he needs to do to make our lives completely compatible but I don't know if he is willing to give it up. I know that I can't control it and I can't let it encompass my thoughts, my mind and my day to day life. I just have to give it up to the "gods that be" and see what happens. Whenever I have tried to control something, havoc, chaos and general mayhem results, so I'm just going to try to give that up.
One of my biggest goals - my most important goal is to lose weight. I don't know how I'm going to do it and I don't know when I'm going to start. But it is something I want to do for myself and for my longevity.
It's a purely personal thing and as long as I keep it that way I may just succeed.
What's on the agenda...
School (work for me) starts soon, so its back to that
Two big bazaars are coming up in November and so it's back to crafting and making things to sell
The county fair is in town and I have a couple of pictures in judging (this time I went Advanced) so we shall see how they do. And I also put in some jewelry.
That's pretty much it except for I need to visit the ocean soon...I feel a need to stand at the edge of the water and let it all out...refresh, renew and start again. Got to get there soon. So I can start over.